


getting high (it isn't enough)

by tyomawrites



Series: put your loving hands out (i'm begging) [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 05:31:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17822819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyomawrites/pseuds/tyomawrites





	getting high (it isn't enough)

The torture isn’t enough, like he’d have barely anything to tell them. Pain just gives him a substitute high, while the drugs are wearing off. They choke him, beat him senseless, waterboard him. Every hit has a heady rush going through his head, there’s barely anything keeping him steady anymore. Ben is talking to him, disappointed in him. Ben is the only comfort that he has but it’s starting to grate his ears.

The old russian lady’s blabbering doesn’t help him either. By the end of it he’s spitting blood, there’s dried blood in his ears and across his chest, and there still isn’t anything else that he can tell them.That is until they go through his coat and find his pills and the big man is crushing them underneath his feet.

His heart is in his throat when they strap duct tape over his mouth.

They shove him into the closet, and Klaus is claustrophobic. That’s his dad’s fault, locking him in a vault, a tomb, for twenty-four, forty-eight and fifty-two hours at a time. Ben tries telling him to calm down, but for once in life Klaus isn’t just scared, he’s terrified. He’s always been terrified. Scared of the dark, scared of noises, scared of closed, dark, dead and damp spaces.

No one will come for him. Ben is dead. Five doesn’t care. Vanya can’t save him. Diego wouldn’t give a shit about him. Allison has never loved him and Luther, Luther doesn’t even know that he’s gone. He doesn't think Luther would even bother to save him, honestly. As much as he loves Luther, because Luther was the only one who still loved him once they'd hit thirteen. Luther, after Ben was gone, was the one who held him while he was high out of his mind.

He kissed Luther once. Just, because he could, because his eyes were so blurry and he didn't know what he was doing and he was such an angry kid about everything. (Including that Allison got to have everything that she wanted-including Luther) He runs away from Luther the next morning when he tries to approach him. The next time he sees Luther, he's high again, and he shoves down all the love that threatens to pour out from his throat.

The ghosts are coming back now, he can see them with so much clarity that he aches, that his mind stresses and everything is terrifying in the dark of hotel room. Ben tells him to talk to them, and he does, and then more and more. A girl who yells at him in Farsi, a Chinese lady that has her throat slit.He can understand all of them, even if they don’t speak English. Men, women, boy, girls, all of them dead. Until the room is filled, and he can barely feel anything anymore. He’s numb but keeps talking and talking until Cha-Cha pulls out a roll of duct tape and tapes his mouth shut again.

Eudora, it’s Diego’s cop ex-girlfriend that cuts his the ties around his wrist and then he’s throwing himself onto the bed, rolling off and then onto the floor and heads straight for the vent. All he needs now is to run, run and get high and block out all the ghosts in his head.

He makes it onto the bus, panting and laughing and he’s entirely sure that people think he’s high, but it’s the most sober he’s ever been in his life. He just wants the cold to leave his skin, wants to feel warm and safe again. He wants to get high and curl up into bed because he’ll feel safe again.

Then he opens that briefcase. And he fucking time travels.

1968.

He meets a friend. _Friend, lover, someone important_ and is there any difference in the words. He loses a friend.

God he loves Dave so much, Dave picks him back up. Dave _sees_ him for who he is. Dave. God Dave. His brain is so fucked up. Dave took care of him up until Dave wasn’t there anymore.

That night in the disco with Dave, when they’d had drinks on drinks and then Dave has a hand in his hair, curls his fingers and leans in. He breathes against his lips. Dave is so warm, so, sweet. More than just the grunt that he calls himself that.

  


Then Dave is kissing him, soft, unlike everything he’s ever known. It’s more than anything the drugs could have ever given him. He doesn’t think about it anymore. The last time he’s sober, Dave and him have had ten too many drinks, and Dave is putting Klaus onto his back, kissing him so hard and so deep that Klaus can feel it in his soul.

He thinks he loves Dave. Klaus thinks that this is what love really is, true love, real love. THe way Dave looks at him with soft eyes and kisses him slowly and passionately. It doesn’t matter where, they are, how they are together, who they are together. All that matters is that for once. Someone sees him, for the boy that’s hidden behind pinned eyes and dead voices in his head.

He loses Dave. _And he loses everything._

His mind, his soul, fucking everything.

He’s so fucking cold, that briefcase is so fucking. _Wrong_.

He curls up on the sidewalk and cries. No one talks to him, no one stops to see if he’s okay and he’s used to that. Home doesn’t feel like home anymore. Not now, not ever. Not in this lifetime, and it won’t in the next.

Five interrogates him, and then he’s drowning again. He needs to get out the house. He can’t drive, never learned how to drive, never needed to be cause his brothers would look after him, and Diego would never actually tell him no. Can’t get the words out of his mouth.

No one’s given a shit about him except. _Dave_. His family will never understand that, they don’t notice that he’s gone. It eats at him and his insides. He’s never going to get better because of it, not for the rest of his life. The inside of his mouth and throat, his heart and soul will reduce to ashes and join the ghosts that hover around his head.

When he meets Dave, learns to love Dave, he feels human, for once he feel’s human. The he loses Dave, but Dave doesn’t appear to him like Ben does, and then there’s nothing left for him and he goes numb.

His pills won’t be enough. They’ll keep the ghosts at bay but the won’t keep the aching of his heart away.

Klaus is ready for the end of the world.

And he’ll do it sober.

To see Dave again.


End file.
